It's Been Awhile
by Nitefyre
Summary: The Second story in my series of Song Fics this only talks about some OC's indericetly. Logan and Scott the to men that loved Jean the most stand and reflect on her death and find a way to move on... set to 'Its Been Awhile by Staind."


Authors Notes: Ok here is the second in my series of Song fics but this only features Logan and Scott as they visit Jeans grave. This fic will be set to the song 'Its Been Awhile' By Staind

Disclaimer: Don't own X-men don't own "Its Been Awhile" Staind owns that awesome song.

It's Been Awhile

By

C.W Clark

Aka

Deacon

_It's been a while_

Three months, it had been three months since Manhattan, 90 days since he watched her die and he did nothing to stop any of it from happening. Logan stood out in the frigid upstate New York November the biting winds not even phasing the man. He had seen so much death in his life time that he could remember not counting the years that he couldn't remember and it was came to those he loved and steal them away.

_Since I could_

_Hold my head up high___

"Had we not done enough for this damned world" Logan the man that those who knew him never knew the meaning of the word quit, that man was not the one standing here. Standing here at this grave was man who looked and felt over one hundred years old. Every battle he ever fought had finally chosen to catch up to him on this day to remind of the price that he paid to be nearly immortal. He had watched so many woman he loved die, Mariko, Julbilee if it was not for Warren she would be dead and countless others. This one, this one hurt the most, It left a dull cold ache inside the he could not get rid off no matter how hard he tried. 

_And It's been a while_

_Since I First saw you___

Maybe Logan thought to himself if he was just a little bit faster, maybe if he would have killed Magneto when he had the chance. This would not have happened. At first he wanted to blame Scott for this, blame him to going to Emma, for hurting Jean so much that he could feel it but soon Logan even realized that it was pointless. It still came down to the facts, he was there and he failed them again. Maybe Scott was right in the end maybe he was not a danger to even one here, it always seemed that when someone ever got close to him was destined to die.

_And It's been a while_

_Since I could stand_

"So now what, what is left for me here, they are no more X men it's over, and he won that son of bitch in the end still won. He destroyed us." Logan said out loud for the first time feeling the cold of the air around him or maybe it was not the cold but the cold emptiness that was slowly consuming him. He could see it happening again he was slowly slipping back, going to back the monster that he was, she was only one that really believed in him. It was because of Jean that he was man he was today. With her gone there was nothing left to keep the animal at bay, to keep it caged up. He would slowly but surely become Creed and one day kill all of them. So Logan made up his mind was leaving and he was not going to come back, they did not need him anymore.

_On my own two feet again_

"Well Jeanie… fuck I miss you, hell everyone does, you have no idea how hard these last few months have been on us without you here. Everyone is barely holding on by a thread. I've seen us at our worst Red, but losing you is like the light has left this god forsaken place." Logan said kneeling placing one white rose and red rose on tomb stone. White for a sorrow and grief pure that even hands of time could not heal. A single red rose for a love that always burn brighter and hotter than the fires of the sun, undying like her name sake the Phoenix.

_And it's been a while_

_Since I could call you_

"Well I just came here to ya' bye, I'm leaving I can't do this anymore… for the first ever I'm startin' ta feel old. Worst yet they comin' back Jean the rages it's only been a few times with no one around but they're coming back and I can't control. I guess One-eye was right I am nothing but an animal." Logan stood from crouching position throwing his free hand in those pocket slinging his back of over his back. "I tried but I failed ya… if is makes any better I'm sorry." 

__

_And everything _

_I can't remember_

"So that's your answer to everything, when it starts to get to hard you run." Logan he snapped around claws instinctively popping from the fleshly prisons spinning on his heel and dropping into a low crouching position muscles coiled ready to attack whatever threat arrived. The only one thing he found was Scott standing not to far way from where he was standing. He could see the stern glare from behind the ruby visor. 

__

_As fucked up as it all may seem _

_The consequences that I've rendered_

"Not this time Summers, its over my mind is made I'm leavin'." Logan said turning his back on the man that come to respect only to spun back around but a red force beam narrowing missing his feet by inches. 

"Don't you dare turn you back on me you son of bitch. Why are you doing this to everyone, you think you're the only one that love her, the only that ever loved her?" Scott asked as he saw Logan shoulders slump in the years that he had know this man, he never seen the Wolverine ever really looked defeated. 

__

_I stretched myself beyond my means_

"Well I'm the only that is acting like, while you getting chummy with you new girlfriend." Logan shot back, he knew it was low blow and it was not fair to both of them to take his anger on their relationship. Yet he needed something focus his pain and anger towards, he needed something to attack and of course Emma was the easiest target at the moment. 

__

_And it's been a while_

_Since I can say_

"Don't bring her into this, if you want to blame someone then fine go ahead blame me, I deserve it, I was the one that was unfaithful." Scott said throwing his hands in coats pockets. "You know she told me what happened when I was dead. She told me everything that happened between you two." Scott stopped trying to gauge that the reaction on his teammates and friends face. "To let you know I'm not angry or anything, she did what I would have wanted her to do, move on and fined somebody that could love her as much as I do." 

__

_I love myself as well _

_and__It's been a while _

"What I'm trying to say is that when you first come here I was scared of you, I thought you going to take everything that I worked so hard for away from me. You were older more experienced, you could make her laugh in ways that I couldn't…I was young and scared of you." Which was try which was why he treated Logan so poorly the first few years that he was with X-men but as time moved on, he started to realize that the man known as Wolverine as more than just a killer. 

"It must have been hard huh?" 

__

_Since I've gone and fucked things up _

_Just like I always do _

"What must have been hard Summers?" Wolverine said in snarled he was trying to put his best front of the loner that cared about nothing. Logan was trying his hardest to become the man that he once was as man that did not give a damn about anyone but himself and no one else. It had been to long that man had changed weather he wanted to admit it or not. It was easier being that man, not to feel this pain that would not go away just eating away at him like sickness, slowly devouring what little soul he had left inside. 

__

_And it's been a while_

_But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you_

"Not having any memories, not being to find control, the rages. Jean she told about one night after we had a fight about you. She told that I should put myself in your shoes, see how it felt to not remember the past 15 years of you life. To understand how it feels that at any moment you could lose control and kill everyone around you for no reason. I tried to tell her that I understood, because I can't control my powers either, of course she gave the look." Scott said with soft chuckle. 

__

_And everything I can't remember _

_As fucked up as it all may seem _

Now it was Logan's turn to take a trip down memory lane, it was something that he always like about the women at Xavier's that never backed down from anyone, they could command respect without using their powers, Storm and Jean in particular. "Yeah that look could've made even Onslaught piss his pants." Logan said thinking back to all the times that he had done something or said something to annoy Jean. It was one of her more endearing qualities to be as warm as the spring sun one moment that the next she is as wild raging Forest fire. 

__

_The consequences that I've rendered _

_I'm gone and fucked things up again _

"I'm sorry I couldn't save her Scott. If I had been…" 

__

_Why must I feel this way?_

_Just make this go away_

_Just one more peaceful day_

"No, you are not going to blame yourself for this Logan it was not your fault. You did everything that you could have, maybe if I was a better husband than maybe she would still be here." Now it was Logan's turn to get his shots in at Scott. __

_And it's been awhile _

_Since I could _

_Look at myself straight _

"That's bullshit and ya know it Summers, you loved more than anyone this planet, hell I watched walked through hell and back for Jean, was with you most of time. You made a mistake like anyone you make a mistake. You both did, no one noticed how much you both were hurting at the time, you just coming back from being merged with Apocalypse." Logan raised his head to sky in the vain hope that he might see a small flicker of cosmic flame and hear the faint screech of the Phoenix. "She was trying to deal with the whole Phoenix thing again and you two just pushed each other away." Bringing his head back down and turning it slightly towards the man that he would follow anywhere, if he asked him to storm the gates of heaven itself and defy that all mighty if they thought it would bring her back he would in a heartbeat. 

_And it's been a while_

_Since I said I'm sorry_

_And it's been a while_

"That's no excuse Logan that doesn't make what I did right in the end, I hurt her and I have to hold the blame for it period." Scott said his voice harsh and bitter. Logan could tell he was angry but the never knew Scott Summers to be a man that hate could himself sometimes. Out of everyone this was taking its greatest toll on him the guilt and pain could be seen in his face. 

__

_Since I've seen the way _

_The candles light your face_

"It's not an excuse it's a reason just like you told me on Genosha." Wolverine stated simply. "You both were hurting and we did not see before it was too late… We all miss her Scott we all do." 

_And it's been a while_

_But I can still remember just the way you taste_

"So are you still going to leave then, Logan blaming yourself for something that's not your fault?" Scott asked knowing what was going through the feral mans mind. He was going leave because Jean was dead and he felt that nothing was left for her for him. "We're rebuilding, Emma she is going to rebuild and start over. I was thinking that she was right, the world needs us and the kids need us." 

_And everything I can't remember_

_As fucked up as it all may seem _

"Yeah well I ain't that much of a teacher ya know that by now, I ain't cut out for that. I'm a solider that was I was always good at." 

"Kitty, doesn't think so, neither does Jubilee your like a father to those girls you taught them more than I ever could." Responded Scott to Logan's comment about not being cut out for teaching which he himself knew was bull it was Logan just giving him self an excuse to leave. "They will need some one to teach how to fight, not with there powers with out them. To show them how to be survive and you're the best survivor I have ever meet, it's what you do best." 

_To be,__I know it's me_

_I cannot blame this on my father_

_He did the best he could for me_****

"You want to know what the last thing Jean told me before see did was? She told me and you to take care of each other, she side that the kids would need us, the rest of team would need us, the world would." Scott said moving to stand next to Logan the shorter head hung low his brow heavy and frowned as entered deep thought. 

__

_And it's been a while _

_Since I could _

_Hold my head up high_

"It was her dying wish I think we should honor that you being a samurai I figure honor means a lot to you and your code." The leader of the X-men said calmly he could see the change in Logan's demeanor. "Plus I have a group of kids that you might like, their powerful some of the best I have seen in while, but the have no respect for authority, they are always looking for a fight but Emma thinks under the right guidance they could be next team of Xmen.. 

"Really, is that so then well how about this we stop all this talk about how Jean died and remember how she lived over some cold ones; then you tell me about this group of brats that has Queenies panties in a bunch." Logan said with his classic grin slapping Scott on the back and throwing his arm around the taller mans shoulder. 

"You know Logan that sounds like a good idea, she would want it like that." 

"That she would Scooter that she would." Logan said as they made their way back the mansion. 

_And it's been awhile__Since I said I'm sorry _

"Don't call me that…and it's good to have you back" 

The End 

Author Notes: Well there is story two in the my little series of one shots, As you can see they're were no OC directly involved just mentioned for as the Outlaw X story goes Logan like Dani Moonstar is the Advisor but in secret they are the X-men's Black- ops going on missions that no one else can know about. Next on in the series will be a story about my favorite OC Nathaniel Washington aka Kaiser. After the end of his life story and his death he is brought back to life in the Ultimate Marvel Storyline and has a Chat with and Ult.Spierman and they have a talk about Power, Life, Destiny and Responsibility. If you have been reading MoonlightPhoenix's story 'Rebuilding Everything' in the Xmen: Evo then you have a introduction to the name and some of the personality but I let her use a really base version of him so she could build him herself, as you will see her Nathaniel and my Nathaniel are two different men, mainly mine is a lot more bitter and jaded. 


End file.
